florafloraflora (florafloraflora) wrote,

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Everybody out of the Water

Oof. Lady in the Water last night. My advice: stay away. Don't touch this thing with anything shorter than a pool skimmer. I thought it might be dumb but harmless and charming. Wrong! It's dumb all right, but way too vile for just sitting back and enjoying the pretty pictures (which aren't even that pretty--Bryce Dallas Howard as the narf looks like a female version of Elijah Wood's Frodo Baggins). Where to begin? The nasty ethnic stereotyping (of everyone but M. Night Shyamalan and his character's sister, who are noble and wise and the only non-Anglo characters who speak English with no discernible accent) made my eyes bleed and the shitty, shitty dialogue grated on my ears. It's not scary for a minute, unless you're scared of dogs and probably not even then. You could drive an oil tanker through the plot holes. And worst of all, there's M. Night Shyamalan as the writer who's trying to save the world (puh-leez), reminding you in every other frame that he pulled this story out of his ass and you just paid $10 to see it! Run away. Run for your lives. (1/10)

Good thing I ended my movie drought as planned with Blue Velvet on Saturday night. It was gigantic as always, with the only pitfall being that I identified more than I wanted to with the Isabella Rosselini character. Ever since then I've been pondering what she really means when she says Kyle MacLachlan "put his disease in her". (9/10)

My kitchen now smells like Hot Man. I bought a Spanish Amber candle from Pacifica yesterday at Whole Foods because I thought it smelled nice and fresh, just right for summer. I brought it home and burned a little bit of it. When I walked back into the kitchen later on I caught this strange elusive whiff of... well, Hot Man is the best way to describe it, the kind of smell that makes you go, "Ooh, who's that... what? who?". I wondered if Stella had picked something up from getting petted by one of the neighbors. It took me a few trips back and forth into the kitchen to realize that it was the candle. I'm not sure there's any practical lesson in that, but there it is.
Tags: movies, out there

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