florafloraflora (florafloraflora) wrote,

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I am a freak: Exhibit 25839

Days like today make me miserable. It's sunny and warm after a week of gloomy rain, and I feel as close to despair as I care to admit in this journal. It's always been like this: I've always gone through a little period of mourning when the weather starts to get what other people call "nice" in spring. It's a sort of "I don't want to wake up" feeling. And now that I've brought out the knits and the cords and the stockings and the ankle boots and the jackets for the winter, I'm really not interested in backtracking into my summer wardrobe. Once I've settled into summer I not only don't mind it, I actually enjoy it. But the transition to sunnier, warmer weather makes an absolute bear of me.

I don't know whether I have a fundamentally gloomy nature, or whether the light bothers my eyes, or what. I do tend to keep my house dark, and I try never to be outside without sunglasses on in summer. Don't worry, I don't have a craving for other people's blood or anything, and the last time I looked at a crucifix I was OK. But light does make me cranky.

I've never had much patience with those people who wear an Issue as a badge of pride and a way of shutting down all debate, whether it's asthma, high blood pressure, a painful fear of bridges, a loathing for mushrooms of all kinds, or a seafood allergy that only manifests itself on alternate Thursdays. But I have heard of such a thing as reverse SAD (and I might have used lyrics from "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" in the title for this post if that blogger hadn't beaten me to it). Maybe it's time to put that on the list of things that make me myself, along with dark eyes, a talent for rotating shapes in space, a penchant for overwrought music of all periods and genres, and the childhood scar on my left wrist.

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